She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
