My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
