I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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