What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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