I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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