Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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