If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
