saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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