The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
