I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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