I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
