If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
