Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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