Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize