i wish my penis had a tongue
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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