So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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