btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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