yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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