I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
