y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
