I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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