maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
