You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
