Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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