I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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