Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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