and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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