the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
