I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Vodka?
Forever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize