What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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