She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
