Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
