I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
