so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
