dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
