I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
