I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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