as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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