and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
