This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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