Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
