Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
