matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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