You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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