She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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