Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
