That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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