Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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