Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
