sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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