Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
