i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
