I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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