I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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