Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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