Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
