oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
