I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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