it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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