OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
