I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
