Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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