these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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