I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
