You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
