I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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