I look better un-naked...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
