im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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