so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
