The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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