Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
birth control should be required to get into college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
