My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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