shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
