I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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