I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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