so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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